Of Lice and Men

hey,

so xxxxxx got lice from his little league helmet and then passed it to
xxxxxx, and xxxxx got bitten by some crazy insect in an air duct in a
hospital and his whole forearm swelled up and got covered by some
unbearbly crazy itchy rash that the doctors are mystified by. plus,
it's snowing there today, and the kids have colds.

but, they are still willing to come. if they are lice-free on
thursday, they'll head down on friday. good lord. also, i've been
informed that xxxxxx wakes up at 5:30 a.m. every day.

this is going to be a great five days! i should be very chipper and
energetic.

(my head is already itching!)

Our conversation last night made me feel like i wanted to share
something with you. I wrote it to xxxxxx, not intending for you to see
it, but I'd like for you to know this, so i've pasted it below. She
had written me to say, basically, she didn't understand why you'd be
so awesome to her (her word) and that she felt like she needed to do
something, buy you a car, send you on vacation, give you some
fantastic gift in exchange.

this is what I replied:

>>listen, the only thing you can ever do to thank xxx for his support,
is to live your life as best you can. and to not take him for granted.

i mean it.

the only thing he would want for you or from you is a life lived with
courage, honesty, passion, and a refusal to quit. and that's what
you're doing, so consider him aptly thanked.

doing your work, being strong, looking at yourself, knowing yourself
better today than you did last year--these are the things xxx xxxx
looks for in a girl.

your crazygirlways seem like madness and mayhem to an amateur viewer,
but to xxx xxxx, they represent beauty--potential.

the struggle you're going through is not a sign of weakness, but a
sign that you are living big, doing the hard things, looking into the
dark places and facing up to what you see. this takes guts. feeling
crazy and weak while you do it is normal.

i suspect you have some idea how beautiful xxx is--and this, in
itself, is evidence of your own beauty. it's like this: in order to
see how great xxx is, you must first be able to see that such
greatness exists at all. to be able to see that greatness, is to
realize your own potential for it--to see it, at least a little, in
yourself.

without that vision, you can't see xxx. so, just being able to see
him, to know him as you do, is an indication of how well you are doing
in your life. did that make sense to you?

it's like, for people who can't conceive of the incredible depth and
grace of xxx, he is invisible. but you can see him, which means that
you have some of that in yourself. you know?

and know this: he chooses carefully, and he gives completely. when he
graces your life, you have the opportunity to never be the same.

don't ever feel as though you are not his equal, or as though you are
not worthy of his care. he knows best--and he has chosen to care about
you. trust this, always. he is never wrong. not about this. if he
cares about you, then you are worth it. you cannot trick xxx. he Sees
you, and he cares. and that's that. be honest. be good to him. be good
to yourself. and remember you are lucky to have him.

[e-mail; april, 2005]