bits and pieces

On grieving

2007-11-21T15:22:00.000-05:00

My dearest L--,

I hope you will forgive my delayed response. I wasn't sure what to say, or offer, or when. My inside guide told me to just breathe and wait for while. So, that's what I did.

But last night, I felt called to contact you. So, here I am.

I don't know anything about your relationship with your brother, but it sounds like it was challenging, painful, and complicated/lifelong.

I want only to tell you that I love you. And that I'm sorry for your loss--the loss of someone you were born into a relationship with, and for everything you lost through the experience of that relationship.

Grief is a strange and exotic animal. It has an acrid odor, an intense and disturbingly alluring coat of a something that is like nothing we have ever touched, it is fierce and slippery, with bright, intelligent, alien eyes that confuse us with their burn. We don't get enough knowledge or practice beforehand at how to experience it, how to engage with it or let it live in harmony with us. What do you feed this grief? Do you fight it, cage it, or take it for a ride?

I'm glad you were honest in your e-mail about your mixed emotions. Honesty heals.

I'm glad that you have S--, to feed you hold you, stand with you.

I'm glad you have a loving circle of friends.

And I'm so glad to know you. Glad to be with you in the world as your friend, understanding fully that it's a miracle you have become such a stable, giving, kind-hearted, soul-who-can-laugh and care.

I know that grief takes a long time. And that crying helps. and screaming. And yelling. I hope you get chances to do all of these things as often as you need to.

I am struggling through Thanksgiving, the worst day of the year in my opinion, and the four and a half days of vacation (read isolation) it provides.

I am still grieving the loss of Calvin and now am sad to have learned that Norman is ailing and entering his final stage of life as well...

So, as I breathe and meditate and cry and cope, my love is with you, and my empathy, for all that is lost and longed for and grieved in your life.

With much warm love and sustaining graces,

Your friend,

Naomi

Men's March Madness: 2007

2007-03-17T17:38:00.000-05:00

As you know, I missed my chance to get into any competitive pools. So, here are my lonely little stats, so far. It's hard to root for myself because if I do really well, it means I missed out on either a lot of money, or a little bragging rights:

1st Round: 23 games correct out of 32 (71% correct)

Netflix Snapshot: March 16, 2007

2007-03-17T00:37:00.000-05:00

Big Love: Season 1: Disc 3
The Awful Truth (1937)
Borat
Must Love Dogs
Ray
Big Love: Season 1, Disc 4
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Hustle & Flow
Big Love: Season 1, Disc 5
That 70s Show: Season 2, Disc 1

Men's Tourney Picks, 2007

2007-03-15T12:16:00.000-05:00

I used to be an avid women's college basketball fan. I was a feverish, devoted, team-colors-wearing jump-up-and-down in the bleachers sneak-into-the-good-seats Stanford fan. I used to go to all the games, socialize with the players on occasion, and I even made it to the Final Four once. But, since leaving San Francisco, I haven't followed the tournament much in recent years.

This year, I wanted back in the game. I got excited about doing a bracket. I even worked my way into a high stakes betting pool for the men's tournament. But then, oh yes--I missed the deadline to submit my bracket. I saved it til the last minute, lost track of the date (I thought I had one more day) and then overslept the morning of. I didn't even make it into the no-stakes just-for-fun pool my friend was doing. Sigh. As North Texas will soon be saying..."there's always next year..."

Since I couldn't get in on any competitive bracket action--which totally pisses me off, by the way--here are my men's picks, just for the record.

Grandma's Bracket:

To the Sweet Sixteen:

Florida over Arizona
Maryland over ODU
OR over Notre Dame
Wisconsin over UNLV
Kansas over Kentucky
Va Tech over Southern Ill.
Duke over Pitt
UCLA over Indy
UNC over Marquette
Texas over USC
WSU over GW
Georgetown over Texas Tech
Ohio over BYU
TN over VA
Louis. over T A&M
Memphis over Creighton

To the Elite Eight:
Florida over Maryland
Wisconsin over Oregon
Kansas over Va Tech
UCLA over Duke
Texas over UNC
Georgetown over WSU
Ohio over TN
Louis. over Memphis

To the Final Four:
Florida over Wisconsin
Kansas over UCLA
Texas over Georgetown
Ohio State over Louisville

Championship:
Texas over Florida

Let the games begin!

Netflix Snapshot: February 22, 2007

2007-02-22T20:23:00.000-05:00

At home:

The Longest Yard

Six Feet Under: Season 4: Disc 5

Six Feet Under: Season 5: Disc 1

In the Queue (Top 10):
Stranger than Fiction
Six Feet Under: Season 5: Disc 2
Six Feet Under: Season 5: Disc 3
Six Feet Under: Season 5: Disc 4
Must Love Dogs
Six Feet Under: Season 5: Disc 5
Big Love: Season 1: Disc 1

Big Love: Season 1: Disc 2
Big Love: Season 1: Disc 3
Big Love: Season 1: Disc 4

Dream Jobs

2007-02-22T16:30:00.000-05:00

When I grow up, I want to be a:

Wealthy Homemaker
Owner, (Any) Professional Sports Team
Supreme Court Justice
Actor
Television Network President
Book Author
TV Show Host

God in Basketball Shoes

2007-02-22T16:21:00.000-05:00

I love sports. I love athletes. These are my favorite athletes of all time:

Walter Peyton (#34; "Sweetness is knowing that you are loved for who you are, and not for what you've done.")
Larry Bird (#33)
Jamila Wideman (#10)
Andre Agassi
Michael Jordan (#23)
Doug Flutie (#2)
Teddy Bruschi (#54)
Tom Brady(#12)
Isiah Thomas (#11)
Martina Navratilova
Joan Benoit Samuelson

Product Placement

2007-02-19T22:03:00.000-05:00

Congratulations to NBC's Heroes for reaching a new level of ick factor with product placement in tonight's episode. Windows Vista "sponsored" the (annoyingly revealing) teaser scenes for next week. Ewwww. Vomit. Hurl.

Oh, and an iPod nano got a long, slow close-up while sitting in a pool of blood. But compared to the Vista thing, it was a nonevent.

You know who's a good actor?

2007-02-19T21:53:00.000-05:00

You know who's a good actor?

Mark Wahlberg.

You know who else?

Columbus Short.

Amanda Was the First One to Notice

2007-02-13T00:02:00.000-05:00

Amanda was the first one to notice
I had arranged my books by color.

She spotted the purple ones first.
She admired them, silently.

A plum-colored family stacked by size.
A happy accident, she thought.

Then her eyes moved downward,
gaining momentum the way her bare legs would

if she threw out her arms, and let gravity
haul her down a steep and grassy slope,

Just on the crest of tipping over
And tumbling down instead.

Her eyes found the white, the blue, the red
the yellow-into-brown. And she got it.

"Your books are arranged by color," she said,
kissing the last syllable with a smile.

I stepped into her gaze the way
a cliff diver steps up to the edge.

And the world outside our eyes grew louder
As though we had parked beneath a waterfall

And finally, with that look, we had
opened the door,

so that nothing stood between us
and all that gorgeous noise.

"You're beautiful," we said,
kissing the last syllable with a smile,

but never actually speaking a word.

A Word About "Herstory"

2007-02-12T23:53:00.000-05:00

Below, an e-mail I wrote to a friend of mine today after he shared with me an e-mail from a local non-partisan organization called the Paradise City Forum, in which the term "herstory" was used in a way that irked me. As you can see, I had a word or two to say about it.

Hi, Daryl,

Thanks for forwarding this one, and congratulations on being part of such a successful alternative forum for dissemination of information--and dialog. I'm so glad the forum exists and that the advisory committee is so committed to its success.

I have a small concern I'd like to raise that has very little to do with the content of the e-mail, but which, nevertheless, is important to me. I was offended by the use of the term "herstory" in the Forum's e-mail, and I would like to make a case for its removal in future correspondence of this nature. Unfortunately, I don't have time to become involved in an extended debate about it; I am not seeking a formal response. But I would like to share with you the grounds of my objection, and perhaps, if you feel it's appropriate, you will take it up with the committee at the next opportunity.

I am offended by the term "herstory" in this context because it is inappropriate and misleading.
For starters, the word "herstory" is based on a false etymology. The word history (from the Ancient Greek στορία, or istoria, meaning "a learning or knowing by inquiry") is etymologically unrelated to the English possessive pronoun his. In French, for instance, histoire means "story," but has no association with men because the French pronoun is not spelled "h-i-s." It's a *coincidence* that in our language the letters h-i-s are a male possessive pronoun and also appear in the word we use for our record of things past. Just as the "m-a-n" in maniac does not imply a maleness to the condition of mania, for instance. (If one traces the etymology back far enough, one can find the word "histor" in Ancient Greek, which means "learned man," but which is connected more to the act of inquiry, which makes one learned than it is to what has become our possessive male pronoun "his.")

The original intent of this neologism ("herstory") was to draw attention to the sexism that was (and still frequently is) both intentionally and unintentionally present in the telling of history. It is appropriate to use it in situations when one is intentionally trying to mock or counteract a male-centric version of history, or when one is telling a particularly feminist version of events.

I am troubled by its appearance in the Forum e-mail, because, as far as I know, what was chronicled in that portion of the e-mail was the Forum's history, not its "herstory." Why insinuate that sexism is at hand?

In 1976, in Words and Women, the authors clarified the meaning of the newly coined term in this way, "When women in the movement use 'herstory,' their purpose is to emphasize that women's lives, deeds, and participation in human affairs have been neglected or undervalued in standard histories."

Is that what happened with the Forum? Is that the intended meaning of the word?

It is also considered a way to describe feminist efforts against a male-centered canon. But, again--is that what happened here?

I suppose that, put simply, I am trying say that the portion of the e-mail labeled "Forum Herstory" was really just the Forum History. It's not his story or her story; it's your group's history, presumably told in a non-sexist way. Why assert something else? Why alienate persons of any gender? Why imply that the story is only hers, or that some correction needs to be made to a sexist version already in existence? It's a step in the wrong direction, and the misuse of a term that is inflammatory and problematic.

Certainly, you wouldn't change "opinions on many quality of life issues" to "opinions on womany quality of life issues." Or change every use of the word "this" to "thers?"

As I said, I don't wish to become embroiled in a debate over the issue; I simply wish to make a note of my objection and to request that the committee give more thought to the use of the word "herstory" in its correspondence.

I would like to see "history" used in its proper context, particularly since what I believe has taken place here is what we all hope true accounts of history will be--a fair and balanced record of a process that was inclusive of all sexes (and classes, races, etc.)

If the term "history" is really not acceptable to the committee, perhaps you will at least consider using some non-gendered synonym in its place. (Forum Origins, Forum Record of Things Past, Forum Genesis?)

Thank you for your time and best wishes,

Naomi

Must Watch/Must Not Watch List, 2007

2007-02-11T15:37:00.000-05:00

Below, my recommendations for things you should definitely see--and things you should definitely NOT see this year. Check back often for updates.

Must Watch

LOST--even though the black characters seem to have all disappeared completely (they weren't even mentioned in the show summary "Survival Guide" backgrounder that aired just before the premiere of this new batch of episodes), this is still one of the most watchable shows on television. Jack may be the best television hero ever. Kate is second only to another JJ Abrams creation, Sydney Bristow, in my all-time favorite tv heroines. The writing is strong. The acting fantastic. My one quibble is that they give too much away in the promos, and they air them CONSTANTLY, so it's hard to completely avoid them.

Who Killed the Electric Car--When you find yourself sobbing over the destruction of a car, you can assume that the filmmaker has done something right. Compelling without being heavy-handed; informative; a story we all should hear. It made me weep--and it made me yearn to own an electric car. Too bad there aren't any.

Six Feet Under Season 3 (DVD)--(warning: spoiler) Because I can't afford fancy cable, I'm just getting around to watching on DVD a lot of the shows that those of you with HBO and Showtime watched a long time ago. But since this is my list of what I watched and recommend this year, that's just the way the basic cable-fueled cookie crumbles. Unfortnately, Six Feet Under is losing its appeal. I can barely recommend season three to you, but I will. From the far too esoteric opening episode, to the drawn out drama surrounding Lisa's disappearance and demise, this season was unsatisfying. The reverse redemption of Nate's character as he loses all the ground he gained in the first two seasons and unravels into a neurotic, selfish, self-indulgent, fucked up bastard leaves me feeling unfulfilled. I liked it better when I could root for him. Now I just think he's a damaged prick. Perhaps season four will be better.

Little Miss Sunshine--I almost didn't watch this because it got so much attention. I had high expectations. But it turns out that my sense of the movie going in was completely wrong. I was pleasantly surprised by how good it was. How original, how well-done. I loved it. It felt like a truly independent film in all the most refreshing ways. It reminded me of Transamerica and Napoleon Dynamite, in that regard. I love a good road trip movie, and I had no idea going in that that was what this was. Bravo. If you are the one remaining person in America who has not seen this film, I suggest you give in and rent it this weekend.

Must Not Watch

Hollywoodland--Props to the costume designer and, well, to props, but this film is a steaming pile of dookie. Unfortunately, it's not bad enough to be entertainingly mockable--it's no Gigli. Despite Adrian Brody's excellent portrayal of an ill-written detective, this script was a massive failure and the film an embarrassment to its top-notch cast. Poor Ben Affleck--he's so handsome, but he just can't act.

24--Dull, redundant, played, tedious, klunker of a show. Reject the hype. Watch Heroes instead. Or just go to bed. It will be more satisfying.

Netflix Snapshot: January 29, 2007

2007-01-29T23:05:00.000-05:00

The first blush of my love affair with Netflix has worn off a bit, as they've disappointed me on so many levels. Slow turnaround times, intentional delays imposed on heavy users such as myself, cracked, scratched, and unplayable DVDs arriving a little too often...but still, I love my queue and the sweet satisfaction of a new red envelope arriving in my mailbox.

When I was dating Brian, he said to me once, "you like to document things." I had never noticed this about myself, but he was right. I do take pleasure in documenting things. In that spirit, here's a glimpse into my Netflix queue.

Current total movies in queue: 467 plus a bunch of saved ones that haven't been released yet

Currently at home: Who Killed the Electric Car?

Current top twenty:

Six Feet Under: Season 3: Disc 4
Hollywoodland
Little Miss Sunshine
That '70s Show: Season 2: Disc 1
That '70s Show: Season 2: Disc 2
That '70s Show: Season 2: Disc 3
That '70s Show: Season 2: Disc 4
Six Feet Under: Season 3: Disc 5
The Longest Yard
Must Love Dogs
Sky High
Waiting...
Brokeback Mountain
I Shot Andy Warhol
Dark Angel: Season 1: Disc 1
A Far Off Place
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
Masters of Poker: Vol. 1
Feng Shui for Dummies
Crash

When the Sickness Comes

2007-01-29T18:50:00.000-05:00

When the sickness comes, the world gets smaller. As days, then weeks pass, every dream, plan, desire, or project that isn't about survival is eventually shunted out to the periphery of my reality. I let them go like ballast in an attempt to stay afloat, and my world is as small as the one inside a basket, suspended beneath a balloon, drifting through cloudy climes. I have a clear destination in mind, but with no guaranteed method of propulsion or navigation, I curl up in my basket alone and drift, hoping the right winds will take me back to a place where I am well.

It's hard now, to remember what it's like not to be sick. But this is one of the rare times when hope is actually useful, when hope is not a false expectation that will lead to the devastation of a heart. In this case, my hope is pinned on something that can actually happen, a thought I refuse to let go of: there will be a day when I am not sick.

I understand that I may be wrong about this. I understand that it's possible I will never be well. I have lost two friends from college already to brain cancer and Lou Gehrig's disease. I know that some illnesses come, and they never leave, no matter how hard you fight. But I do not have those terrible things that they had. I have something else, something the doctors can't seem to name...or to cure. So, until someone officially tells me otherwise, I will believe in the possibility of wellness. I am stubborn and willful and ferocious when I have to be. And I am learning to be patient and balanced and compassionate with myself, as well.

Our friends in recovery are onto something when they say, "one day at a time."

Last night I laid in bed and coughed for eleven hours without a break. My chest burned, my throat ached, my mind and body were exhausted, but my lungs were impervious to every remedy I offered them. Prescription cough syrup with codeine; Vick's VapoRub; Theraflu; a Vick's VapoSteam humidifier, water...eventually, I drugged myself into oblivion with a double-dose of codeine cough syrup, combined with two puffs of an inhaler, a Xanex, and the moist camphor-scented air of the humidifier.

I slept for six hours, woke up after 4pm, just in time for a little daylight. My head ached, my throat and chest hurt just as much as when I was last conscious. I missed my first yoga class of the new year, my therapy appointment, and a deadline.

But I did not despair. I did one thing at a time. The world outside my basket was nothing but clouds, and in here, my priorities were basic. These days there is one question, and one question only: what can I do to help myself right now? Despair is never the answer.

So, I got up.

I put on clean, soft, warm clothes. This helps. It takes effort to change clothes when one is this sick, and has been for so long. But if I make it a clear priority, I can get it done. I took a moment to feel grateful that there were clean, soft, warm clothes to be had.

I turned up the heat. I don't get fevers. Instead, when I am sick, my core temperature drops. I'm down more than two degrees now, to 96.7. This is hard on a body, and it makes fighting infections even harder. So I turned up the thermostat to 69, then later, as the chill deepened, to 72.

I fed the cats and gave Cal his pill. I washed my face. I made decaf coffee. I took my homeopathic supplements. And I got to work. I tested one more device--angry at how difficult and exhausting it was to fight it out of its box--and I finished and filed my story.

I created and filed my invoice. I made something to eat and turned on the TV. I ate slowly because of the nausea, but I got through the whole meal and kept it down. That's important. That's a victory.

I've been sick now with this particular virus for nearly a month. The doctor says there's nothing he can do. Being sick has meant that I got less done than I would otherwise. But, in the moments when I found I had some energy, I did what I could. I pushed myself. I got groceries, got to the doctor, got my car inspected, made fresh soup, finished assignments, got out. I seized the days--the moments in the days--when I could seize them, and that has made getting through all the other times possible.

Last year, I interviewed Andy Skurka, a young man who was the first person ever to hike across the continent. He started in Quebec and ended in Washington state. It was a journey of more than 7,000 miles of mostly wilderness hiking. It took eleven months of walking a marathon a day to complete.

About halfway through the hike, he hit the bitterest portion of winter, and spent three months hiking through Michigan, Wisconsin, and Minnesota. Temperatures got as low as 24 below zero and he snowshoed for 1400 miles. He said that during this time, he had to change his mindset.

"During the summer I didn’t care if I’d be on the trail in a few months," he told me. "But during the winter I wasn’t sure I’d make it. So, I took things one day at a time. I knew I could get through a day. I wasn’t thinking any longer term than that. It was a really desperate way to be living my life for three straight months, but I also found it very effective when the challenge was as great as it was."

I'm not going to win any awards for staying alive and getting my work done. There won't be a crowd of people to embrace me and share in the celebration when I beat this thing. There won't be any magazines calling to interview me. But I am taking the same approach Andy took to his winter hike in my life these days, and I have found it is very effective, when the challenge is as great as it is.

The one thing I really wish I could conjure up for myself is some companionship. Being sick and alone is so much more difficult to manage than just being sick. But for the time being, that's not something I have access to. Mostly, the people who live locally have said "no" or just ignored my calls. Like Andy, I am on this trail alone.

I suppose the biggest caveat is that Andy chose to hike alone; for me, it's a less voluntary circumstance. I've chosen to spend one year being intentionally single. It feels important to know that I can. But, since it's been more than a decade since anyone really wanted to be with me, there's no rational reason to believe that someone will arrive in July (or any time after that), when my year of being single is done, and want to share my life with me.

Just as Andy couldn't think about doing all 1400 winter miles at once, I can't think about doing another decade, or the rest of a lifetime, in the social winter that is my life. So, before I sink too far or get crushed beneath an avalanche of grief, I bring myself back, stubbornly, fiercely to the only question that really matters today: what can I do to help myself right now?

Despair is not the answer.

And the only thought worth hanging onto:

There will be a day when I am not sick.

2007 Est Arrivee--Cough, Cough, Sniff, Sniff

2007-01-27T15:55:00.000-05:00

2007 arrived on good terms, as far as I was concerned.

Heading into the end of 2006, I was healthier, happier, and more prosperous than I'd been in many years. I had intentionally let go of the pain of the year that had just passed at a magical Solstice ritual, and I welcomed the new year with open arms. It felt like a fresh start.

I had a lovely, if low-key, New Year's Eve. I got dressed up in a sparkly vintage cocktail dress and fishnet stockings. I put on high heels, did my hair, and shaved my legs. I went from a friend's lesbian cocktail and dance party to the Academy of Music, where I took the stage before a packed house of 800 as Elvis's lovely assistant. With a kiss and round of applause in your evening, how can you miss, right?

After the second show, I passed on joining Elvis as he switched personas and became Lord Russ at an led Aloha Steamtrain show at the Elevens, and went to a small party with new friends in Westhampton. I changed into something more comfortable once I was there, and had a blast drinking champagne and shots of Grey Goose, eating snacks, and playing a crazy German card game called "Rage." I even won. :-)

I got kissed at midnight by a cute boy, and when we got iced in by the freezing rain, I got to make out like a teenager on a futon beneath the Christmas lights. It was really very lovely. Things were looking up.

The next day, though, I was sleep-deprived and a little hungover. And from there, it was pretty much all downhill. Today is the 27th day of 2007--and my mother's 55th birthday--and I have been sick for all but four of those days.

I went to the doctor yesterday. He had nothing helpful to say unless you count "your face looks puffy. is that normal?" as helpful medical advice.

I don't have pneumonia or bronchitis, which is great, except it means there are no antibiotics that can help put a swift end to the coughing, laryngitis, running nose, fatigue and GI complications.

The Dr. prescribed an inhaler that would make me "jittery and light-headed" and would induce the coughing up of much yucky phlegm. I filled the prescription, but I have not used this thing since I can't for the life of me come up with a reason to feel more light-headed than I already do. And the coughing? Not a strong selling point either.

Instead, I bought myself a Vicks VapoSteam humidifier, so my little apartment smells of moist camphor, which I actually like very much.

While I've been sick, I've had a great deal of time to sit around thinking about things, and I'm happy to report that apart from one day (when I had PMS) I have not really felt very sorry for myself. The house was well-stocked with the things one needs when one is sick--tissues, soup, tea, DVDs, fresh ginger, cough syrup with codeine in it, Vick's VapoRub and assorted other cold comfort items--and this has helped. I'm taking good care of myself, and, while on my sickest days, I wished very much that someone else was taking care of me, I didn't go to the Bad Place, the place where I am a kid again, alone and sick and aching for care that won't come; the place where I want someone to love me and take care of me so much it breaks my heart and I drown in a panicky froth of depression.

I've done a good job of making my deadlines while also resting, feeding myself, and trying not to sink into a depressed, isolated pain-space as the days drag by without any human contact.

My best friend has talked to me every day, and made one emergency supply delivery when I was really in the thick of things. My landlord brought me Theraflu and soup. The cute boy from New Year's Eve stopped by to keep me company one afternoon. And another friend offered to bring me things if I needed them.

What I really want most of all is company, which has been in short supply, but I'm doing alright even without it. I finished a book--The Bourne Identity (I don't recommend it). I watched a documentary--This Film is Not Yet Rated (I recommend it). I'm reading a friend's novel manuscript and am halfway through. I got my car inspected and tried out a new hairstyle (I'm learning to do pin curls like they did in the 40s and 50s). I made soup. I watched a lot of TV shows that I had taped, but never gotten around to watching. I landed a new client. I installed a new showerhead. I took baths. I slept. A lot. I started a puzzle, although this was a mixed bag, because puzzles are more fun when you do them with a friend.

I cleaned my office and everything else I could find. I called friends, except on the days when I lost my voice. And I even went out to meet people for coffee--and once for dancing--on the days when I wasn't totally slammed by sick.

The days I was slammed, I did very little. I let it be okay that I just couldn't. And all I did was stay in bed.

I was all geared up for some serious productivity and some long-awaited fun when the new year arrived. Now, I'm sort of crawling along, just hoping to get upright again sometime before March.

On one of the days that I was in bed sick, I started thinking about the numbers, about the quantifiable amount of time I spend sick every year. I added it up, and on average, it's 26 weeks. 26 weeks! This is both horrifying and liberating.

It's horrifying, obviously, because it's just so freaking much; but liberating because it makes me feel like I'm actually kicking some serious ass by getting done what I've gotten done. It validates my feeling that everything is really hard--because it really is! If a person is sick for half the year, how can she be expected to make a good living? Knowing the actual number of days that I was immobilized by sickness helps me to release myself from the judgment that I'm just not doing well enough. And it re-enforces the commitment I've made to healing my body this year.

Now that I have a number, I can set a specific goal. If I can come in under 20 weeks of sickness this year, I will know that I am definitely moving in the right direction. I'm going to keep track and see how I've done.

Of course, these three weeks (and counting) don't set a great tone for 2007, but I am doing a lot of things right, and I believe that I can achieve wellness this year. I believe I can improve. And once I'm healthier, I'll be able to do the other things I dream about: pay off my debts, travel, go out to dinner, buy great presents, buy a house, and have a love life again.

So, here's to 2007. May we all be happy, healthy, and wise. Happy new year. (And happy birthday, mom.)

Favorite That 70s Show Episodes

2007-01-27T14:57:00.000-05:00

My favorite episodes of one of my favorite shows of all time, That 70s Show:

1. "Canada Road Trip," original air date: 05.08.01, Season 3, Episode 23. Eric, Kelso, Fez, and Leo go to Canada to buy beer, but are detained at the border when Fez loses his green card. Favorite line, "What are you doing in Canada?"

2. "Black Dog," original air date: 12.10.02, Season 5, Episode 9. Written by Mark Hurdis, directed by David Trainer. Jackie is disappointed when she turns to Hyde for comfort and support after her father is sent to prison, and Fez finds love during a fingerprinting lesson at the DMV.

3. 'Misty Mountain Hop," original air date: 1.22.03, Season 5; written by Dave Schiff. Directed by David Trainer. The Formans offer to help Jackie move her family's possessions out of their foreclosed ski cabin only to arrive to find Kelso, Fez, and Hyde partying it up.

4. "Water Tower," Teleplay by Jeff Filgo and Jackie Behan; Story by Linda Wallem. Directed by David Trainer. original air date: 6.14.99. Kelso ends up in the hospital after falling off the town's water tower, but Eric has an even worse scare after he accidentally walks in on his parents haviing sex.

Quote: Maya Angelou

2007-01-27T13:48:00.000-05:00

"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."

You Can't Say No One Told You: Corporations

2007-01-27T13:45:00.000-05:00

"Unless you become more watchful in your States and check this spirit of monopoly and thirst for exclusive privileges you will in the end find that the most important powers of Government have been given or bartered away, and the control of your dearest interests have been passed into the hands of corporations."

--President Andrew Jackson, Farewell Address, March 4, 1837

"The Definitive Top 20 TV Shows from the 80s"

2007-01-19T13:46:00.000-05:00

A disgusted friend recently forwarded a link to this list to me, because he knew I would be equally disgusted. "The Definitive Top 20 TV Shows from the 80s?" I beg to differ.

Its creators call their list "unarguable." I maintain that any such list that includes ALF, Perfect Strangers, and Mr. Belvedere over Hill Street Blues, The Facts of Life, and Cagney and Lacey is, in fact, more aptly classified as "unthinking" or maybe just "unsmart." (Of course, the "unsmart" is also supported by the fact that the listmaker grudgingly added M*A*S*H to the list at No. 4, even though he "didn’t catch too many episodes because I hate Koreans and I hate war.")

My best guess (and my hope) is that these guys were just too little during the 80s to know better. Perhaps they were born in the very late 70s, so that lame, inane television shows starring bad muppets with acronyms for names and an aversion to salad seemed clever or even entertaining.

Perhaps there was something comforting to them about Mr. Belevedere, and so the fact that the show is drivel escaped them. Their choices imply a penchant for shows that were on before their mommies enforced an early bedtime, and shows that didn't include much probing dialogue or penetrating plot lines or character development. Who killed J.R.? "Who cares," they'd say. "Who's the Boss is on."

You can see the list (with video clips) in question here, but I will also summarize below.

Their list:

20. Mr. Belvedere
19. The Dukes of Hazzard
18. Knight Rider
17. Night Court
16. ALF
15. Perfect Strangers
14. Golden Girls
13. Growing Pains
12. Married...With Children
11. Who's the Boss?
10. Magnum P.I.
9. Doogie Howser, M.D.
8. The Cosby Show
7. The A-Team
6. Miami Vice
5. The Wonder Years
4. M*A*S*H
3. MacGuyver
2. Cheers
1. Star Trek: The Next Generation

It seems they would have been better served to simply say, "these are our favorite shows from the 80s. We're idiots. Live with it." Rather than to attempt to present them as the "definitive" top 20. Had they simply expressed a preference, one could leave it alone...but since they didn't, one must present an alternative.

Top 20 Shows That Are Better Than Half their List:
(in no particular order)
[Honorable Mention: The Smurfs (1981-1990)]
20. :20 Minute Workout (1982)
19. One Day At a Time (1975-1984)*
18. Real People (1979-1984)
17. St. Elsewhere (1982-1988)
16. Family Ties (1982-1989)
15. Diff'rent Strokes (1978-1986)
14. Hill Street Blues (1981-1987)
13. Bosom Buddies (1980-1982)
12. The Facts of Life (1979-1988)
11. That's Incredible! (1980-1984)
10. Fraggle Rock (1983-1987)
9. Mork and Mindy (1978-1982)*
8. thirtysomething (1987-1991)
7. L.A. Law (1986-1994)
6. Designing Women (1986-1993)
5. Square Pegs (1982-1983)
4. The White Shadow (1978-1981)*
3. 21 Jump Street (1987-1991)
2. Dallas (1978-1991)
1. Cagney and Lacey (1982-1988)

*best classified as a 70s show, but still running in the 80s and better than ALF for chrissakes.

10 Favorite Movies of All Time

2007-01-19T13:44:00.000-05:00

Terminator
Die Hard
The Sound of Music
Some Kind of Wonderful
Star Wars
Empire Strikes Back
Wonder Boys
Anne of Green Gables
Dead Poets Society
When Harry Met Sally

The State of the Union, in Television, rebuttal, technobabble

2007-01-16T16:53:00.000-05:00

Received this today from my dear friend (who I would like even more if he weren't a Buffy fan), Eric. I'm sharing it with his permission. For more of his TV rants--I mean, insights--check out his blog.

(My responses to Eric's remarks are italicized.)

>>You are correct in all things you say about the premiere of 24 this year.... except the bit about "attempting to blow something up", as the premiere ended with a nuclear suitcase bomb going off in Venice, CA. (and really, who would miss it)? Higher stakes as Jack avoids the nuclear snow-flakes, even though Jericho (which I've never seen) beat them to it. Plus, there was a fascinating discussion by two CTU agents about how angry they were about the formatting of a database ("I wanted columns, not comma delimited!" "I work best in comma delimited, you clod!"). You also forgot to mention "suburban family will be torn assunder by the works of a terrorists right in their midst" -- which also happened again. But the bad guy Kumar from "Harold and Kumar go to White Castle" so, you know, it was almost to be expected.

And none of that matters, because 24 is a roller-coaster ride rocking good time. Once they got rid of the dumb-ass daughter, it became a masterpiece of plotting on top of plotting on top of plotting. It's the only super-hero show left on the air. Jack Bauer is the nation's personal Batman/Buffy/Peter Parker/Punisher/and Don Johnson era Sonny Crocket all rolled up into one. Its also sadly more plausible than the other "roller-coaster" shows like Prison Break and LOST (tho I'm sure Jack would break out of the prison and I'm sure he'd knife Henry Gale in his cancerous spine if it meant saving the country.) >>

See--I knew "24" would be predictable. And for my money, dull. And yet, here's someone with relatively discerning taste ("Battlestar Gallactica" not withstanding) who calls it a "roller-coaster rid rocking good time." I do NOT get it. At least they got rid of the slutty but annoying daughter, Kim. Did they kill her, or what?

>>If you're going to hate technobabble on a show, Alias always had 24 beat. Marshall was full of shit. None compare to good 90's era Star Trek, of course. >>

The difference is that Alias, at least the first two seasons, was a GOOD show. And the technobabble was entertaining. Marshall was a quirky character inventing amazing gadgets like a bug that looks like a bug or a lipstick camera or a parabolic microphone that looks like a purse. The gadgets--like the disguises--made the show fun and exciting. Tab-delineated databases? NEVER fun or exciting. Never.

>>Best/worst technobabble on the air today: HOUSE. Plus, it's as formulaic as they come. Tho I did enjoy his recent jousting with the obsessed police officer. (Runner up: Numb3rs. Honorable mention: Law & Order.)>>

You've inspired me to add a new category: "Worst Formulaic Show on TV." See below.

>>also:
What about Brian is still on the air? Christ. I watched the first "season" of six episodes but couldn't come back for more. It's no Felicity, nor Thirtysomething. (I once got to personally yell at Bob Iger for canceling Thirtysomething in its prime. True story.) >>

Dude, seriously--it really is still on the air. My back-up VCR is set to tape it and I haven't bothered to tell it to stop, so I've still been watching it here and there. The hot but smart and totally together stripper girlfriend--I mean, "wife"--is nice to look at, at least. She has such pretty hair.

>>Show that should not be on the air : Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.
And What About Jim.
And Two and a Half Men.
And Dancing with the Stars
And Til Death
And ER.>>

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip may have the worst name in television, but it deserves to be on the air. Certainly if Ghost Whisperer can be on the air, that can. Amanda Peet? Love it. And even though the show is basically The West Wing in a TV studio, it's well done.

As for those other shows, I don't have any explanation for shows as bad as What About Jim and Two and A Half Men. They are like JAG or Bob Sagat hosting America's Funniest Videos for all those years--I just don't understand how anyone can stand it. When I talk about television, I just don't even include those shows because I prefer to pretend they don't even exist.

As for ER, talk about beating a dead horse. NBC is desperate, but really--please, let it go already. When you killed Mark Green, you killed ER. It's time to bury it.

>>All shows suck compared The Shield and The Wire and Battlestar Galactica (which is almost completely technobabble free).>>

Yes, cable is where it's at. My new favorite is Weeds. But I don't get that in my TV. I have to wait for the DVDs.

>>Best boobs on TV: Katherine Heigl. >>

Definite oversight on my part, but in my defense, they're always hidden under scrubs.

>>Best shoulders: Evangaline Lilly>>

She's not only got the best shoulders, she's got the cutest face and is in the running for best hair. And I also nominate her for best action hero.

>>Stars most in need of a sandwich: Ellen Pompeo>>

Seriously, although Calista Flockhart is back on the air, you know.

>>The perfect woman: Jenna Fischer. Or, more specifically, Pam Beesly.>>

umm...I'm gonna have to disagree. That makes her all yours.

>>eric "tv addict" G.

PS: And remember, just about ALL TV -- even What about Brian -- is better than most movies these days. (but not What about Jim.) >>

The State of the Union, in Television

2007-01-15T22:16:00.000-05:00

Tonight, in honor of the Golden Globe Awards, (and because I have a deadline, so I'm procrastinating) I present to you...The State of the Union, in Television

Category: Most overrated show currently on the air

The Nominees: "24"; "Ugly Betty,"Two and a Half Men"

The Winner: "24"

The Why: The first season was fantastic television, definitely. It was original and compelling. I watched every episode practically on the edge of my seat. But then, it just got old. The fact that people are still watching this show baffles me. The fact that it's still getting so much praise from so many people—not just people who watched America's Funniest Videos with Bob Sagat and liked it, or people who are prone to enjoying stale plot lines and done-to-death stories, but discerning people--is almost beyond my comprehension.

Here's what I can say about this:

I haven't watched an episode of "24" since I gave up on the second season and that stupid presidential campaign plotline. [Once Nina's betrayal was revealed (a true shocker) and the wife axed, the show just stopped being interesting.] But, I'm willing to wager a fair sum that the much-touted season premiere will involve all of the following:

non-white terrorists attempting to blow something up, probably with a dirty bomb or stolen nuclear device; their plot will be discovered with barely enough time to stop the attack, and the only one on the planet who can possibly stop it is...Jack Bauer; a "twist" whereby some relatively minor but not totally insignificant character turns out to be working for the other side (the audience is expected to be shocked); lame dialogue vaguely referencing hardware, military equipment, or some sort of dull technology crucial to the detonation or transport of said bomb; an explosion; a gun fight; some painfully bad melodramatic acting on the part of victims and CTU staff; the frequent and urgent uploading of data; a constipated-looking hero, scruffy but undeniably handsome, grunting rapid instructions into a radio or cell phone to someone who has to do what he says or they'll die—wait, no, the whole world will die; tension between characters based on something from the past, that something is supposed to pique viewers' interests when it fact it's nearly impossible to care; poorly dressed CTU agents processing data as fast as they can in rooms that seem to be made entirely out of dark concrete and metal; men and women in navy blue clothes; Jack Bauer in a white tee-shirt.; a desperate middle-aged female; desert-like locations, such as scrubby California hillsides or "terrorist encampments" somewhere like Afghanistan; guns; sweat; blood; planes; SUVs; and a threat to the survival of the United States of America, which will somehow--in just one hour--be thwarted until next week, when all of these things will happen again. And again. Until someone finally takes the goddamned show off the air.

The Category: Best Boobs in a Sitcom or TV Drama

The Nominees: Jennifer Love Hewitt, "Ghost Whisperer"; Salma Hayek, "Ugly Betty,"; Felicity Huffman, "Desperate Housewives," Katherine Heigl, "Grey's Anatomy"

The Winner: Jennifer Love Hewitt, "Ghost Whisperer"

The Why: This show is sheer crap, but Jennifer Love Hewitt has the best rack in television.

The Category: Most Surprising to Still Be on the Air

The Nominees: "What About Brian," "Ghost Whisperer," "Ugly Betty," "Men in Trees"

The Winner: "What About Brian"

The Why: I began watching this show because JJ Abrams was attached to it. And it stars a single thirty-something person, surrounded by married or coupled friends, which I can relate to. I still watch it every week, but it should have been canceled a long time ago. It's like "thirtysomething," only duller.

The Category: Best New Show
The Nominees: "Brothers and Sisters," "Ugly Betty," "Heroes," "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip"
The Winner: "Heroes"
The Why: This is the best new show since "Lost."

The Category: Best Show in Syndication
The Nominees: "That 70s Show," "King of Queens," "Sex and the City," "Seinfeld," "Friends"
The Winner: "That 70s Show"
The Why: Because I love it. Because I continue to enjoy episodes even after I've seen them three times. Because I'm nostalgic for the basement I spent my teenaged years in. Because its the perfect cast. Because Donna is so hot. Because the writing, acting, sets, costumes, and directing are brilliant. And because I miss having it be on the air.

The Category: Worst Formulaic Show on TV
The Nominees: "House," "Law & Order: Criminal Intent," "Law & Order," "CSI: New York," "CSI: Miami," "Numb3rs," "Bones," "Crossing Jordan"
The Winner: "House"
The Why: While other shows, such as "Bones" and "Crossing Jordan" just suck out loud, and CSI: NY is actually painful to watch, primarily due to a shitty casting job, "House" takes the cake because it is the most strict in its formulaic approach, and because it wastes so much great talent in the process. Give us a new approach: stat.

See Naomi on the Radio

2007-01-11T17:31:00.000-05:00

Short video clip of Bread and Roses appearance.

her dream was like an argument

2006-12-01T01:36:00.000-05:00

serpentine gray

2006-09-16T20:45:00.000-05:00